2015 overwhelemed me with a kind of peace I've never felt before. I'm finding a new rhythm and slowly transitioning into the groove of things. I can tell my body likes it, I feel physically lighter and my skin's thanking me. Just half a cup of coffee and some good mixes fuels me for the entire day. My mind is quiet, like a blank canvas, and I think I've figured out my next creative project.
Boy meets girl.
He fancied her. She respected him. They became good friends. The more they learned about each other, the closer their hearts connect. Friendship blossomed into romance, they fell in love.
But what is love? Boy thought he knew while the girl had no clue. They spent the next 6 years together to find out.
There were many good times. He gets her and she understood him even without any exchange of words. There were always lots of teasing, laughter and joy. They felt at ease and comforted with each other's presence. He was her safeguard and companion, she was his confidante and day-brightener. They make up for what each other lack. They stuck together, like glue.
There were also bad times, where she drove him to the edge while he pushed her buttons. Stubbornness and pride taught them a valuable lesson about sacrifice and forgiveness. Other times, there were insecurities and doubt that swept in and out of their hearts. Still, they sailed through all of that. The constant tug and pull made them stronger. They changed their ways to become not as a better couple, but better human beings.
After many small journeys together, boy changed his outlook and expectations on what he thought love was suppose to be. On the other hand, girl learned to toss away naivety and social ideals out of the window in order to build this relationship like mature adults.
They knew the love they had for each other was deeper and more complex than they could ever define. It's not perfect or glamourous, but it's got everything they wanted because they have each other. Boy wished for nobody else but her, and girl couldn't imagine her life without him. They're ready for a lifetime together.
Boy asked for her hand.
"Yes babe, of course, for you've already stole my heart long ago. You are mine and I am yours." She says.
I'll forever remember this day, the 10th day of the 10th month. He promised me oysters and the world.
Thanks Joe, Reina and Lester for making this magical moment possible!
A big thing just happened in my life last week (eek!), but that deserves its own dedicated post and photos, so I won't elaborate too much now. I'm still recovering from all the excitment and chaos that happened in the last two weeks. Since it's a super calming Monday and I'm just housewatching, perfect time to edit and upload some outdoorsy shots I've captured recently (recent as in September recent). Apparently, that's all I've been doing last month: cottage, parks, trails and hikes. Then, October came and went like a giant tornado thanks to a special someone, but more on that lovely story later.
Sidewalk snapshot and my own handwriting that abviously needs a lot of work
I originally had so many words written, but later erased them all because I decided that was too much bitching. I think what I really wanted to say to my future and present self is: accept your vulnerabilities and accept that things aren't easy.
Let's face it, it's hard to always be kind and remember to put on a smile. Given the circumstances, you can't be the patient, considerate girlfriend or the generous, caring friend you'd like to be. Of course, you won't be the perfect trophy daughter simply overnight. Most of all, it's almost impossible to please others while making yourself happy.
So instead of asking myself why I haven't achieved the above and beating myself up for it, why not stop thinking that there's any "problem" to fix. My body, mind and soul's always evolving and growing. It may not look pretty now, and it may feel difficult to move on, but accept that being vulnerable is part of me, and who I am now. It's an important perspective that I need to come to terms with. Hell, it'll probably take me a lifetime to figure it out how to be a decent human being. So throw this idealized self out of the window because the world will constantly change and surprise you with unforseen events. It's not an excuse to stop trying, but a realization that no perfectionism can patch up the infinite vulnerabilities in our hearts.
Finally surfaced above doubts, feeling above this, she came around
Cause she's a goddess, finally saw this.
And now you're back, trying to claim her cause she's gone and now without her
You're all alone, cause she's a goddess.
You shoulda saw this
BANKS - Goddess
Late night doodle of this sexy girl, I had fun with her hair. Photograph of sunset from Rouge Park Beach, Scarborough.
Summer's sadly over, so I dealt with it the only way I could, by moving towards the sun. I migrated from my dark, chilly dungeon in the basement to a first floor room with big windows. I thought it's about time to get some sunshine after 2 years in the cave. I also took this opportunity to clear out my wardrobe and reorganized my closet. I was very determined to get rid of at least half of my clothing because I knew I'm just hoarding all the "maybe-but-really-I'll-never-wear-this" pieces that are in truth wasting space. If I do a clear out each time as the seasons turn, I should be left with a capsule wardrobe by next summer (Thanks for the inspiration Vivianna)! Less is really more isn't it. Other things that peaked my interest lately:
Loving: This double gold fern necklace design, hand crafted in London by a husband and wife team. Pet lovers beware, this 9am collection from Good After Nine jewllery too adorable.
Wanting: I love multipurpose items that you can use both indoor or outdoor, in both cityscape or mother nature. On the list to buy are these Cotopaxi backpacks and Rumpl blankets. Also, the otaku in me really want these cat ear headphones, you know, just for fun.
Listening: Year & Years, Sam Smith and Ed Sheeran are on repeat. They all have this soulful, melodic male vocal that's like midnight lullabies to my ears
Learning: To make lists. Not just to-do lists, but lists of things you've done well and lists related to #universe, #travel or even your #darkestsecrets. It's a good reminder of how you've established to be the person you are today and who you'd like to be onward.
Watching: The Mindy Project gets me through days where I just need a little more cheer and carefreeness. I first got hooked with this video, but the blog over at The New Potato is even better.
Reading: This girl and her stories are so down to earth, definitely worth a read over at Style The Natives. Every photograph from ThisIsPaper has been carefully composed and selected to tell a story, I love it.
Out of all the little pockets of Toronto, Annex is my favourite for sure. The vibe is amazing, with people filling the streets day and night. Plus, Korean BBQ and Kafka the cat is so easily accessible, it's the perfect place for therapy on a bad day. Speaking of having a bad day, I had to send my MacBook Air out for an expensive repair due to a mysterious water damage. I say mysterious because I have no clue how or when it happened, but that's life right? Things sneak up on you when you least expected it to. Other than mourning for my laptop, I'm also helping my little brother settle into his new college and prep for all the back to school stuff. Man, I got to admit, I do not miss school at all!
My aunty came into town for a weekend and we took her on a little Casa Loma tour. Just the other day, I had some quality BFF time on Toronto island, just chilling and catch some sun. All in all, other than sports and errands, I've been doing a lot of escaping and creating a lot of down time to re-evaulate my relationship, career and the next steps. I'm so happy that I made the time to clear my head or else I would've made every decision out of fear instead of love. If there's something that I'm feeling strongly about these days, it's gratefulness. No matter how crazy, dull or unexpected things get, I'm lucky to be surrounded by loving people that understands me and willing to lend an ear even when I'm a broken record. Truthfully, I don't need anyone to save me from anything, I just want them to be by my side while I work on myself. And for that, I'm grateful.
Seriously, this cover, this quote, this song and this speech brought me closer to the truth.