9/100 Settling In


Hump day vibe. Did you enjoy that?

Yesterday I took the first step in "settling in" by going for a doctors checkup. It shouldn't be a big deal, but to me it's the baby step of really embracing in making long term relationships in this city.

I'm not going to lie, I've been resisting and complaining like a little bitch about the expensive rent, the lack of space, the inconvenience without a car, and most of all, this daunting reality of the social economic gap happening in front of my eyes. I was naive. I was too comfortable in my middle-class suburbian bliss that it made me feel cynical and even contemptuous towards this new environment. It made me not want to settle down in SF. In fact, my mind was always secretly devising an escape route out of the country at any moment.

But in reality, I was just ignorant, imposing my standards of good, adequate living onto other people. House, money, car, these are old definitions of success and happiness. Not that they are not relevant, but for millennials like me, those can do more harm than good sometimes, limiting our chances to experience other things in life. So I'm thankful for my marriage, which was the main reason for me to make the move. When I'm feeling lonely for familiar faces or just grumpy over how things are done in America, I look to my husband and remind myself that I did good, I choose the life of us being happily together, I choose my passion as a lifestyle and I choose to be aware and be a part of this ecosystem instead of shunning it not good enough.

Despite the social divide, the cost of health care, the awful "fusion" shit in every restaurant (seriously, why!?), people are hustling. Who am I to say that they are not happily doing it? I really respect people using their creativity to break down outdated societal barriers to improve this city. This place is filled with great idea thinkers ready to infect the rest of us. It's speaking to me plain and simple: stop bitching and start doing something about it.

I've always been a realist, all or nothing kind of a girl, so you can say that I haven't been fair in giving this city a chance. I think with each step I take to settle in more and more, my eyes will be lit by more of the good. Who knows, I might even suprise myself into falling in love with this city one day.

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